


For You.

by NightChanghes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel!Castiel, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Self Harm, Tooth Rotting Fluff, angel grace, can they just say what they mean?, canon!verse, castiel is a drama queen, dean is a jerk a lil, hunter!dean, they get in a fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-15 19:30:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18676015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightChanghes/pseuds/NightChanghes
Summary: Dean gets tired of Castiel telling him that everything he does is for him.





	For You.

It’s probably the 100th time he’s said it, but Dean is tired of the same old excuse.

“I did it, all of it, for _you_ Dean.”

Cas is looking at him with the most sincere eyes, brows raised slightly, anticipating the usual response. Silence, or annoyance, or awe, but Dean is tired of hearing it, so he runs his hand over his mouth and, as his fingers trace his own chin, slightly stubbled, he parts his full lips and sighs. 

“That’s not good enough Cas.” He shakes his head slightly, breaking eye contact for just a moment before continuing “Why are you even here? You already pulled me from hell. That was your job, to raise me from the pit, help stop the apocalypse, and then leave. But you’re still here. Why?” 

“Dean. You know why.”

“You don’t have to keep saving me Ca-” the familiar nickname stops on his tongue “Castiel.” 

Cas’ eyes drop and hesitantly, somber, he steps closer to Dean. “I know I don’t need to, but it’s- it’s the right thing to do” 

Dean swears Castiel was about to say something else, but whatever it was, it had died on his tongue, replaced by lines from what seemed like a rehearsed script that Castiel always happened to have in his back pocket. 

“If that’s your only reason to continue risking your life, your wings, your soul, anything, for me, it’s not worth it. There are a million other ‘right’ things that you could do out there. Ones that wouldn’t kill you and sure as hell would benefit a lot more people. You helping me, God it never really helps anyone, does it? Just hurts.”

Castiel looks resigned and he moves to sit down at the table in the middle of the bunker, placing his elbows on it and perching his chin on his own hand.

“Perhaps I should leave. It’s been many years and yet we continue to end up here. I am not naive Dean, perhaps to some of the more ‘human’ emotions that you possess, but I know more than I let on,” Cas grits his teeth for a second, but he’s staring straight ahead, ignoring Dean “but you continue to deny me. Continue to question my actions. Continue to ask me how I could possibly still be here, despite me telling you many times.” At this he locks eyes with Dean “I may not be human, but I am a soldier. I know when a battle is lost.” He drops his hand from his chin and interlocks his fingers, looking down at them silently. 

Dean is lost. His brain not quite grasping what Castiel is speaking of. He approaches the table and taps his hand softly on the glossy wood, looking down at the dark hair and trench coat and the all too familiar hands that fidget under his gaze. 

“Casti-”

“Don’t. It is clear I am no longer needed, nor desired here.” 

And with that, Cas is mustering every ounce in his body to use tattered wings to spiral him out of the bunker and to anywhere but at that table. He’s just as surprised as Dean that it works.

Dean is suddenly alone and stunned, not having seen Cas disappear into thin air like that in what’s felt like ages. 

Castiel is hurled into a field somewhere at the edge of a forest. He leaves a crater and the whole situation reminds him of when he pulled Dean up from the grave. 

He pushed himself into a sitting position and looks down to his right hand, feeling that all too familiar prickle on his palm when Dean is on his mind. Dean’s hand print had healed long ago, Castiel’s hand hadn’t. 

Without thought, climbing from the dirt and moving to sit in a bed of lavender, full well knowing it’s meaning and it’s irony in this situation, he pulled his angel blade from where it sat alongside the right side of his celestial body. He switched it from his right hand to his left and set his right hand flat down amidst the flora. With a swift movement, Castiel felt searing pain and saw white as his hand separated from the rest of his vessel. He quickly healed the open wound and used his grace to touch the hand laying in the bed of flowers, quickly turning it to dust. 

He turned from the spot where blood tainted the earth and walked towards the road in the distance. If Dean could live without his mark, their bond, so could he. 

Dean felt a searing pain on his shoulder in this instant, but he paid it no mind as he desperately climbed into Baby and attempted to call Cas. Straight to voicemail. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ He never could let himself have too much of a good thing, and Cas’ constant dialogue of “for you” had been overwhelming. He knew it would end up in pain, and of course it had, prompted by his own words. But as Dean exited the bunker garage, he couldn’t help but feel lost and empty, vengeful. As familiar as those feelings were to him, it was a different kind of an empty. It felt like before Cas when he didn’t actually know that something was missing. But now that it was gone, the constant comfort he had felt unknowingly since returning from hell, was gone. He gripped the steering wheel and kept his eyes on the road attempting not to cry at just how lost he felt. He could usually gauge where Cas would go, but now, he had no idea. It frustrated him beyond all belief and as he let this fester, he finally pulled the Impala over to the side of the road and got out of the car, kicking the dirt and kicking Baby’s front tire. 

“Fuck.” He ran his hands through his hair and down his face attempting to see anything besides red. When he finally opened his eyes, angry tears threatening to fall, he saw purple. A field of lavender cut only by the sharp contrast of a dark khaki coat and a saunter, one not quite human. He sighed as he saw Castiel walking away from him towards where the road reached closer around the field. He huffed and wiped his eyes as he climbed back into Baby, silently apologizing for taking it out on her. 

He rolled around the bend of the field and parked adjacent to Castiel’s path. He was looking down at his feet and the flowers as he walked so he didn’t see the familiar black car or man dressed in flannel getting out and walking to meet him where he walked. 

When his ears finally caught the sound of moving grass, he looked up, startled to see Dean. Apparently the whispers of his wings hadn’t carried him as far as he has hoped. He stopped for a split second before starting up his walk again, with purpose. 

As they gained on each other, he noticed the red in Dean’s eyes and his tousled hair. He put the ghost of his hand into his pocket in an attempt to hide what was missing, but Dean was too close.

“Cas, what?” Dean looked frantically at the arm that stopped at the wrist and no longer continued in a clean line to a strong hand with nimble fingers. 

“I broke our tie Dean. I assume you are satisfied with that.”

Dean could barely even process what had happened, but in his mind all he thought was that he would go to hell and back if it meant getting that back. 

“Fuck. Cas. You didn’t.”

“It’s easier for me to leave you, my charge, when I return to heaven,” he deadpanned.

Instead of reacting in anger, Dean simply reached up to his own left shoulder and subconsciously rubbed the skin where it had once been so raw and had so recently flared up.

Concern still stained his face, but it had softened as he stepped closer to Cas, hand still holding his shoulder, 

He licked his lips as green eyes bore into blue ones. 

“If I can’t have you tied to me here” he patted his shoulder softly, “then” he took a shaky breath and looked down at Castiel’s impossibly pink lips. He so desperately needed to fill the empty that grew inside of him as the pain in his shoulder slowly subsided and faded away. Before he could think any more, before he could lose anymore of _Castiel_ he crashed his lips into Cas’. 

Cas froze at the contact but slowly melted into the kiss reaching his left hand to Dean’s hair and letting his wrist rest on the skin of Dean’s hip right where his flannel lifted ever so slightly. 

After a moment, he broke the kiss, looking into Dean’s eyes, searching. 

Dean’s eyes squeezed shut as he rested his forehead against his angel’s. “Still not enough.” He whispered so quietly Castiel almost couldn’t hear it. But as soon as his ears picked it up, he understood, they still weren’t bonded as they had been before. 

“Dean, may I-”

And even though Dean couldn’t have known what he was asking, he interrupted, breathing out a shaky “Yes.”

Castiel lifted Deans chin with two of his fingers ever so slightly and kissed him again. It was almost imperceivable to the human eye, but a minuscule amount of his grace passed from between his lips to Dean’s. Dean winced at the burn that hit his bottom lip, but Castiel just kissed him again, gently as he caressed his cheek with a soft thumb. 

When it was done, and the bond was back, they parted, Deans hands coming to rest on Castiel’s hips. His tongue escaped his mouth and ran over his bottom lip in an attempt to asses the damage. Castiel blushed as he looked at the new addition to Dean’s lip. It was small, but sweet and Dean looked at Castiel curiously.

“I swear to God Cas, if you left some embarrassing scar on me, I will never forgive you”

Castiel just laughed and looked fondly at the little heart that sat on Dean’s lip, just left of center.

“I’m sure you’ll love it.”

Dean smiled and then looked down to Castiel’s right arm. “You’re a drama queen, aren’t you.”

Castiel looked down, a bit ashamed, but he smiled ever so slightly anyways as he brought his eyes back up to meet with Dean’s. 

“I did it for you Dean, all for you.”

Dean huffed and laughed down at his boots before he punched Cas’ shoulder ever so playfully and then turned, holding our his right hand for Castiel to hold onto as he led them from lavender to pavement. 

After he opened the door of the Impala for Castiel to climb in he made his way over to his side and sat in his place behind the wheel. He adjusted the rear view mirror and looked at his lip, groaning at the tiny, perfect heart that sat on his lip and looked over to Castiel with serious eyes and a smile he was trying to hold back.

“Yep it’s official, I hate you.” 

He looked back to the mirror to readjust it to its proper placement, lingering for just a moment on the heart, raised up ever so slightly from the skin that sat around it.

He smiled and looked to the road thinking of the heart. If he secretly loved it, no one had to know.

**Author's Note:**

> for those curious abt the meaning of lavender "a lavender flower is a symbol of something pure and graceful. It is also believed that lavender flowers are a symbol of serenity, silence, calmness, caution and devotion as well. " Also, I was thinking abt lilacs, so you can also apply "love at first sight" to the irony that Cas sees.


End file.
